hexpress:

anz100:

carbonfiberpersonality:

Southerner: oh man, there’s snow!1!! Guess we better uh… Not do a driving! *Drives 10 mph while sobbing*

Northerner: *driving a stick shift 80 mph in slick iced roads while eating a full cheese plate and blaring led zeppelins’ “immigrant song”*

I’m Californian and I have the balls to do this.

californian found dead wearing a murrsuit in a 2003 honda civic after encountering black ice for the first time and careening off of I-95

snakegay:

tumblr popularity is worthless it just gets you people legitimately like wanting you dead , and people sending ‘cryptic’ asks like “in 2021 horses will be made of blood” in hopes youll go “omg this is the scariest thing i have ever read this is so fucking cryptid op do you shit” and it gets 7,000,000,000,000,000 note

freakinasheet:

maramahan:

808lien:

colacharm:

wildlyannoyingdoofus:

colacharm:

by me, a fool who doesnt wanna die anymore 

1. never make a suicide joke again. yes this includes “i wanna die” as a figure of speech. swear off of it. actually make an effort to change how you think about things.
2. find something to compliment someone for at least 4 times a day. notice the little things about the world that make you happy, and use that to make other people happy.
3. talk to people. initiate conversation as often as you possibly can. keep your mind busy and you wont have to worry anymore
4. picture the bad intrusive thoughts in youe head as an edgy 13 year old and tell them to go be emo somewhere else
5. if someone makes you feel bad most of the time, stop talking to them. making yourself hang out with people who drain you is self harm. stop it.

… 8|

That’s some pretty good advice. I don’t know what’s left of my humor after ‘guess I’ll just die’ jokes but it’s worth a shot.

Personally i went from “guess I’ll die” jokes to “IF I HAVE TO BE HERE FOR 5 MORE MINUTES I PROMISE YOU I WILL BUY JUST, AN ARRAY OF CLOTHES.” and other wild hyperbolic stuff. Just replace the death part with something ridiculous and off topic. Its very entertaining

This also works with calling myself things like stupid, worthless, trash, etc. Even if you do this jokingly to yourself, your brain still believes it, and keeps up the cycle. Seriously, I found that when I stopped saying these things about myself, even jokingly, it made a massive difference.

Here’s a tip I picked up from a friend that’s helped me a lot — replace self deprecating jokes with ironically self aggrandizing jokes

Like every time I trip and fall, instead of saying “l’m just a disaster human” I say “I’m the epitome of grace and beauty”

Or like, when I draw a picture I’m not 100% happy with, instead of saying “my art is trash” I say something like “you know I think it’s time we replaced the Mona Lisa”

When you do that you get to make a joke, but you’re ALSO getting practice building yourself up, y’know?

And eventually it becomes a reflex and you get so used to it that you can say nice stuff about yourself even when you AREN’T joking

unionhack:

Me: There’s so much music that gets released every day. If I discovered a new artist every day I’d never run out of new material for the rest of my life.

Also me: I think I’ll listen to Geddy Lee sing about trees again!